Unlocked Anxiety

While I am aware that Jesus taught that we should not be anxious about anything, I still find myself fighting back anxious emotions. After this week I now see how the anxiety is affecting my life in every aspect.

For almost five years now I have been praying that my husband would acknowledge God's calling on his life and that he would find a career that would lead him along God's path for his life. As the years passed, we prayed together and fasted many times, yet my husband never claimed that he could feel which direction God was calling him. He just continued to search in many different directions for job opportunities. Finally, about two or three months ago he began talking about joining the military. At first, I could tell it was just another prospective change in careers. One day he just quit mentioning the possibility, and I knew that prospective change had died out. Suddenly, a few months later when a friend of ours mentioned joining the air national guard, my husband began talking about joining the military again. Now, he has passed the physical exam and is currently waiting to hear about job openings for which he qualifies.

That is where my anxiety has crept in over the last few weeks...the waiting. See, we moved away from our hometown, where most of our family still resides, almost two years ago. Although we have good friends in this new area, there is no family. So, the plan is to sell the house and move our things back home while he finishes basic training. I feel that those eight weeks would be best spent closer to family, because who knows to where we might relocate when he graduates basic. I am excited about moving around with the military and being an air force wife, but I still want to enjoy any time I can have with my family before we begin this new chapter in our lives. Waiting for a "ship out date" for basic is really nagging at me, because I am such a planner. I want to know who, what, when, and where it's going to take for this transition to happen. And, it is so affecting my work life, church life, and my relationships with my friends here, which I don't like to see happenning.

I know that I need to continue to trust God and know that in His timing everything will work out as it should, which I plan to do. However, sometimes it is just easier said than lived.